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Stop People Pleasing

Do you find yourself always going with the flow even when it isn’t what you want? Hiding your feelings because you want everyone else to feel comfortable? Increasingly resentful of the people in your life? Dissatisfied with your life but unable to share your true desires with those closest to you? You may be a people pleaser. This article will discuss people pleasing and how to stop people pleasing.

What People Pleasing Is?

People pleasing is putting everyone else’s wants, feelings, and needs above your own. It’s saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”. It’s avoiding confrontation by agreeing with others. It’s sacrificing personal boundaries in exchange for external validation and affirmation of self-worth.

Those who people please have a deep seeded emotional need to not rock the boat at the expense of their personal health and wellbeing. People pleasers often conform and comply with those around them at an extreme level.

Sometimes people please others in all areas of their life, some people please more at work or at home. Some please all day long every day.

Isn’t People Pleasing Just Compromise?

We must all make compromises in our personal and professional lives, but compromises should be balanced in our relationships. For example, working extra hours while a coworker is out sick for the day or on vacation. In return, your coworker will do the same for you while you’re out sick or on vacation. This compromise is balanced.

People pleasing would be working extra hours every day or every week because you always say yes when you are asked to do more—even though you don’t want to take on more. Even when you know you are being taken advantage of.

How Do You Become A People Pleaser?

Both men and women can be people pleasers, but women are more prone to developing an extreme need to please. From a young age, society teaches women to be polite and agreeable. As a wife and mother, far too many women are still expected to sacrifice it all and put their family’s needs above their own.

An extreme need to please can also be the result of surviving childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. As a child, pleasing others may have been required for survival. As an adult, it may subconsciously be associated with safety and security. While required for safety in an abusive childhood, pleasing perpetuates unhealthy lifestyle patterns as an adult.

What Are The Signs Of People Pleasing?

You may not realize that you have an extreme need to please as it’s become your second nature. If a loved one has suggested that you may be people pleasing or you want to know if you are, ask yourself the 8 questions below:

  1. Do you pretend to agree with friends and family’s opinions because you are non-confrontational or want to be liked? Even when the opinion goes against your values?
  2. Do you feel like it is your job to ensure that everyone around you is happy? Even if what makes them happy makes you unhappy?
  3. Do you chronically apologize or blame yourself when things go wrong? Are you fearful of people blaming you for things that are out of your control?
  4. Do you say “yes” to things that are a burden or that you simply don’t want to do?
  5. Do you suppress your thoughts, feelings, and personality and adopt the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of those around you—even though they aren’t authentic to you?
  6. Do you go to such great lengths to avoid conflict that you deny your true feelings? Even when asked?
  7. Do you need a steady stream of praise and validation to feel good? Does this “good” feeling fade quickly leading you to please more to get more praise and validation?
  8. Do you believe that your wants, needs, desires, and dreams are less important than everyone else’s wants, needs, desires, and dreams?

Why It’s Important To Stop Pleasing Others?

The suppressed resentment that comes with constantly pleasing others at your own expense often leads to physical and mental health concerns. For example, the constant anxiety you feel around being liked by everyone may lead to depression. Tossing and turning all night with worry about someone being angry with you can decrease your focus, clarity, and physical immunity.

Yes, we all struggle with anxiety and sleepless nights on occasion, but these are often daily occurrences for people pleasers.

In addition to your health, you may have lost touch with who you are and what you really want. You may be in relationships that are toxic, a job you don’t enjoy, or in a job or relationship that could be healthy if you learn to set healthy boundaries.

Ready To Stop Pleasing Others And Put Yourself First?

It may feel overwhelming and impossible, but you can begin setting healthy boundaries in your life. You can start saying “no”, start expressing your true feelings, and start living the life you really want.

I have created a strategic approach to overcoming your need to please. I invite you to download my free guide 5 Ways Women Can Stop People Pleasing!